Uncertainty

Uncertainty

Like an ugly painful arrow, poisoning my body and soul.

How much i suffer from you.

My running toughts are not reaching any safe harbour. Waisting so much energy.  For nothing.

What IF… if I would just know when… if I just would know the outcome. I would be calm. I could go back to enjoying my life. I could let go all my fears.

Uncertainty - how difficult to stand that feeling.

If it would be gone I would feel so much better.

I imagined:

I go to bed. Wake up the next day...

... and uncertainty would be magically gone. There would only exist certainty in my life. 

Nothing but certainty. 

Finally released from that painful, paralysing questions in my head with no answers. 

I would know what to eat today, who I’m gonna meet tomorrow during my non-spontaneaus walk  in the forest (because I knew about it). I would unwrapp my birthday present knowing, it’s inside what I wanted. I would know that this kiss is gonna happen - tomorrow - between me and this handsome boy I really adore. Unfortunally I would also be certain that this is not gonna last. Would I still go for it? For that beautiful kiss? Would it save me from pain? Would it save me from experience? Experience that I do collect while living.  Experience that shapes me. That makes my life ALIVE.

If there would only exist certainty in my life,

I imagined how I’d feel.

And I guess I would feel...

pretty bored.

I would miss a lot of ecxitement, happiness, joy.

No hoping, No Dreaming. No mistakes that lead to unbelivable new things, to new ways. Cause it’s not always the straight paths in life.

„When nothing is certain, everything is possible“ (Mandy Hale) 

I realizied as painful and uncomfortable this feeling might be sometimes,

it makes life alive.

Poema: Linda Kugler

Imagen: Aykut Aydogdu